I was never really insane except upon occassions in which my heart was touched...

Well, I am back on the road... I so hate spending time in hotels, airports and rental agencies. I know that part of it is that I have been coming to the same airport and the same hotel and the same customer for almost a whole year. Last year at this time, I was just starting out with this company. I was just so grateful to have a job. And, I was dealing with the emotions of the layoff and its effect on my family. This last year was a crazy one. In addition to the new job, I replaced the most tenured BA in my company on the most complex project. My company was purchased by a much larger company. My company laid off people (including some of my friends - I sure know how that is). Office locations were closed.

But, in the grand scheme of things, I work this job that I hate so much for one reason... to buy my eldest a PSP, laptop and desk... LOL
I would work as a custodian in a well-frequented bath house if that is what it took to earn money for my family.

I truly hope, though, that I can find a company or project within this company that will not require me to travel and work as much.
I miss seeing my family (especially after being home with them for over six weeks). I also miss hanging out with my Prog friends. I really need to spend more time with them. In reality, I really need to extend myself out there to be a good friend and to accept that others might want to be my friend. Being a friend (and making friends) takes energy. For the most part, I often think that I just don't have the energy to do it even though I know that I will have a more rich, more vibrant life. It is like I have become accustomed to and enjoy the shades of grey that forgot the beauty of the colors that exist beyond me. I have friends from high school that I never contact because I just don't know if I care. Maybe I am just afraid to extend my energy on seeing them when I can barely see the friends I do really care about.

With all the rambling above, I have realized that I really need to make this year a good year. "F" it! I need to sound my barbaric yawp. I need to seize the day to make my life better, my family's life better and my future better. I need to choose happiness. You know (of course you don't know...why do people begin a sentence with that inane phrase?), I have often thought that depressed people were selfish and that I would not choose to be sad. I have realized that happiness is selfish, too. I need to be selfish. I need to chose happiness.