I was never really insane except upon occassions in which my heart was touched...

Well, I am back on the road... I so hate spending time in hotels, airports and rental agencies. I know that part of it is that I have been coming to the same airport and the same hotel and the same customer for almost a whole year. Last year at this time, I was just starting out with this company. I was just so grateful to have a job. And, I was dealing with the emotions of the layoff and its effect on my family. This last year was a crazy one. In addition to the new job, I replaced the most tenured BA in my company on the most complex project. My company was purchased by a much larger company. My company laid off people (including some of my friends - I sure know how that is). Office locations were closed.

But, in the grand scheme of things, I work this job that I hate so much for one reason... to buy my eldest a PSP, laptop and desk... LOL
I would work as a custodian in a well-frequented bath house if that is what it took to earn money for my family.

I truly hope, though, that I can find a company or project within this company that will not require me to travel and work as much.
I miss seeing my family (especially after being home with them for over six weeks). I also miss hanging out with my Prog friends. I really need to spend more time with them. In reality, I really need to extend myself out there to be a good friend and to accept that others might want to be my friend. Being a friend (and making friends) takes energy. For the most part, I often think that I just don't have the energy to do it even though I know that I will have a more rich, more vibrant life. It is like I have become accustomed to and enjoy the shades of grey that forgot the beauty of the colors that exist beyond me. I have friends from high school that I never contact because I just don't know if I care. Maybe I am just afraid to extend my energy on seeing them when I can barely see the friends I do really care about.

With all the rambling above, I have realized that I really need to make this year a good year. "F" it! I need to sound my barbaric yawp. I need to seize the day to make my life better, my family's life better and my future better. I need to choose happiness. You know (of course you don't know...why do people begin a sentence with that inane phrase?), I have often thought that depressed people were selfish and that I would not choose to be sad. I have realized that happiness is selfish, too. I need to be selfish. I need to chose happiness.

Vacations scheduled... Stress Less?

So... my vacations are scheduled for the next few months... I am taking off from the 19th through the end of the year... My work also let me carry over 5 days from this year into the first few months of next year... So, I am taking my wife on a first-class trip to Vegas... The cost for airlines and hotel? $10. Finally my traveling pays off. I still have three weeks to take next year. I will totally make sure that I take that time.

• I have this week of work at home and I hope that next week will be the same. I have a long week in Chicago the week after and then my vacation...
• I look forward to seeing my old friends next Wednesday. I sure hope that my "friends" at my current job don't ask me to travel.
• Heroes was great... I can't wait for next week...
• I so need to finish shopping for Christmas... I have some things, but need more..
• I love my new TV... Thanks to my wife for allowing it...
  

Enough of my stream of consciousness.

One Year Anniversary

Thursday will be the one year anniversary of my layoff (the date of 11/15), but it occurred the week before Thanksgiving. I remember that day vividly. I remember exchanging pleasantries with a manager who had never managed me (but had wished that she had). I remember talking with friends and telling them that I had this meeting to which Sue (enjoy hell Sue) had invited me. I remember thinking, "I have a 9 am meeting... I wonder what it is about..." I remember walking in the room and seeing people with whom I never had meetings. I remember the "solemn" looks of the SS Guard. I remember them reading a declaration from the Führer about how we had to walk into the career gas chambers. I remember walking to my desk and seeing all of my friends. Their faces full of such unbearable sadness. I remember leaving the building and getting in my car (oh, don't forget that Sue had to collect my ID). I remember driving to the park accross the street and sitting in my car for what seems like hours. I remember gathering the courage to call my wife. I remember speaking to her as she cried. I remember feeling like I had no idea how I would survive this ordeal. I just wanted to see my wife and kids.

But, This year has taught me that I am and my wife is and my children are much stronger than we ever envisioned. We survived this year. Sure, it sucked... But, we survived it together. I am also thankful for the friens I left behind . Thank God for their support.

P.S. What makes this day even sadder is that four of my friends from my current company were let go today. I truly wish them the best of luck. I totally know how it feels.

Long Hours

So, it has been a long time since I posted... I was home last week, but I am back this week... This week has been and will continue to suck... I am scheduled to work 8am until 10pm tomorrow... How fun!!! I am not sure that we will be able to get lunch or dinner, but they may bring in something.... How nice of them!

Anyways, it was so nice to see some of my old friends last Friday (some of whom I hadn't seen in years). I am hoping that I will be able to see everyone next time.

Also, while I hate going to church... I really loved sitting next to my wife and eldest during the service. I so love being with them

Terrible Travel Day

Today has been such a terrible travel day... I went to bed at midnight PST. I couldn't sleep... I knew I had to get up at 4am PST to catch my 6am PST flight out of SBA. Well, I woke up at 2am PST and again at 3am PST. I stayed up and played a little FIFA 2009.

SBA - I got to the airport and there was a delay... I thought... Oh, crap. I am going to miss my connection in Salt Lake. Apparently the first officer was sick and they had to call in a new first officer. We left a half hour late.

SLC - So, I land into Salt Lake and run to catch my flight. I had about 10 minutes to board when I got to the gate. I was thinking... I can't wait to get home. I can't wait to take the girls trick-or-treating... I was thirsty, so I got a tea. I walked back to the gate to find out that my flight was canceled and I was on a flight to home via ATL. It really made me sad... God, I was suppossed to land at 4pm EST and now I won't be home until 9pm EST.

ATL - Airport is nuts... I am so freakin' tired... I have 96 new emails from today... God help me...
I should be home soon.

Work... What to do

So, I am packing my stuff to take my 6am flight from SBA to home...

I cannot wait to go home to see my kids... I am so looking forward to walking around with them on their Halloween fun...

Celeb Rehab 2 is on right now... Nikki McKibbin is on the show... Who knew she was famous (minus the first American Idol experience)? Gary Busey is absolutely nuts... He needs to be committed...

The whole job thing... I don't know... I am just so tired... Maybe I should stay... Maybe I should go... I just want to work a normal schedule...

Hello, my friend... Hello

If only, like in the movie "Saving Silverman," Neil Diamond could sing to all of us...

I am sorry that I have not made a post in awhile. I know that you, my friends, are probably wondering how and what I am doing . Well, I have been so busy. I have been working 75+ hours a week and it is getting to be too much. Last week, I worked 86 hours (if only I got paid an hourly salary). On top of it, the poor economy has everyone at my company feeling a little uneasy. We will see what happens with this whole work thing...

On the home front, I have been trying to enjoy my time with my family. I am so proud of my eldest. She is so smart. She asked her teacher for extra math homework because she doesn't feel challenged by the work she receives. Outside of school, she achieved her camo belt in tae kwondo. My little one is learning so much in school too. She has such a little personality (that can definitely help you in school). She is also doing well in ballet. I really love my girls. Finally, my wife is such a rock for me. She has been my strength, my comfort and my hero. She has talked me down from the ledge may a time lately. I could never have made it through this year without her. Lately she has been talking about her desire to add another child to our household. I have been scouting around for 18-year old exchange students... LOL. She and I are going to talk about a baby again starting the first of the year. I really love having two kids and I love that the little one is really the little one. I can't imagine her being a middle child... Stay tuned.

On a non-serious note... The kids and I all have Nintendo DS's. We play them all of the time. I have been obsessed with FIFA 2009. It is a great game.

Also, there are some great shows out there: "True Blood", "Amazing Race". "Heroes", "Sarah Silverman", "South Park", "The Office", "Survivor" and, of course, "Ghost Whisperer." Doesn't my job know that it is important for me to watch these... LOL... (I am so behind on my shows).

Adios